Instead of striving for perfection…
Aim to be better than you were yesterday
Instead of striving for perfection…
Aim to be better than you were yesterday
But, always your best self…
I am an Arsenal FC fan by marriage. After I said “I do” to a certain fine young man, I adopted his surname and many other things including the football club he supports- Arsenal
I never really cared for football before I met the hubs because I never saw the sense in grown men chasing after an inflated rubber. It was too sweaty and frankly, quite boring. But old things have passed away. In fact, I can now comfortably hold a conversation about football players and the rules governing the game. Things we do for love eh? 🙂
I had an interesting chat with my friend the other night. Let’s call her Mrs O. I was hailing her on her arrangee skills. You know all those people you can allow to handle/organize any event/party/catering/gift buying while you go to sleep? Yeah, that’s Mrs. O… I call her The Fixer. When I want party favours for my daughter’s birthday party? Mrs. O to the rescue. I want suggestions for a nice gift to get my pastor? Mrs. O has it covered. I want referrals on where I can get quality ankara fabrics at a reasonable price? Mrs. O can handle it. I want a big bowl of ofada sauce? Small thing for Mrs. O. Yup! 😀 So I was just twale-ing for her as per some major organizing she did recently and she responded that it (organizing) was her talent and how she sometimes envies my writing skills.
Wiped out as I was, a light bulb came on and 3 letters came to mind: M V P*
Coincidentally, a football match was showing on TV.. Roma was flogging Chelsea 3-0. Hehehe, I just had to chip that in (petty, I know). Anyways, I was thinking of the beautiful concept of team work and how this idea of MVP tarnishes it.
I culled (from kwese.espn.com) the following statement from Arsene Wenger to help explain my thoughts: “I am against it (MVP) because I think it gets in the head of players. We have seen many people only thinking about themselves because they are obsessed by the Ballon d’Or and not by the team performance, and I believe football is a collective sport and we live already in a world where everything is individualized. We want to respect what football is about, first about the team effort.”
Thank you jare baba Wenger. I may not agree with some things you do/say, but I agree with this one 100%.
Now in response to Mrs O’s reference to my writing skills, I told her that we all have our different gifts. No one is more important than the other. We all complement one another. This is what makes the world colourful and beautiful. Imagine if everyone in the world was a writer or a fashion designer or a fixer like Mrs O? Me thinks the world would be very bland indeed. You know what would be more interesting? I’d write something the fashion designer would enjoy reading. Then she would make me a dress which I would wear to slay at an owambe organized by Mrs. O. See? All the dots connect this way and it makes more sense because then there will be people that actually benefit from your gift.
The way I see it, this notion of MVP is a no-no because it leads to…
Even Mother Nature opposes the MVP model. Truth is, nature thrives on interdependency. There is no MVP. Rain is not more valuable than sunlight when it comes to rainbow formation. Neither is a spermatozoon more valuable than an ovum for a foetus to be made. These elements complement each other to create something beautiful. That’s the way it works. Let’s take a cue. Why do humans like to complicate things sef?
So my dear friend, do not think you have nothing to offer the world. God didn’t make anyone talentless. That gift of yours you’re despising is needed by someone else as a solution to a problem. You too are the real MVP joor. Also, my dear CR7 sorry, my other dear friend, the world does not revolve around you. Biko, come down off that high horse. It’s not that serious you hear?
We are all good at different things and that’s OK. So, here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to take the M out of the MVP, OK? Thank you very much.
Everyone is valuable. Full stop. C’e’st fini.
I’m learning not to be a *yessy person these days… this is coming from a chronic ex-people pleaser. I’m learning how to say no these days and not feel guilty about it. I’m learning to decline tasks and invitations that would disrupt my plans or add stress to my already long to-do list. I am learning to create my own music and dance to it without any reservation.
Let me give you a recent example of the exhibition of the new me…the *un-yessy Lahmeet. The other day, my colleague sent a survey to the rest of us to complete. Now for the records, I hate surveys especially the ones that ask open ended questions. You can call me a lazy survey filler because I’d rather the multi-choice ones… I just can’t be bothered to crack my head to supply feedback about topics that I’m likely not even interested in. So, you can imagine my “joy” when I saw her email. I opened the survey and there were several open ended questions. Ha! I promptly closed the thing with a not-today-satan resolve. To top it up, I was even busy sef …proper excuse to decline (I know, I know… I’m still working on getting to the point where I don’t feel I need to have/supply a reason for saying no). Like 30mins or so later, she walked up to my desk…
Colleague: Hi Anita. Did you see my email? Have you done the survey?
Me: No I haven’t… I’m working on a report (Still WIP guys… bear with me)
*** Another 30mins later***
Colleague: Anita, how far? Have you done it?
Me: No, and I’m not going to (OK I actually didn’t say the “I’m not going to” part out loud but hey, it was implied)
(crickets….my expression is as sober as a judge’s while she smiles)
Me: Why are you smiling?
Colleague: Nothing… I’m just wondering why people are not responding favourably to taking the survey (the ex-yessy Lahmeet would have given in at this point…)
***Curtain closes on dialogue***
I know I am still work in progress but I am proud of how well I resisted the urge to pull out the former yessy me. I pat myself on the back for not allowing my colleague’s jazz to shatter my rock. You see, the fact is that people will sometimes come with their own music and demand you switch off yours to listen to theirs. You don’t have to, you know? You can put your foot down and continue playing yours. The disjointed medley would force them to carry their wahala music away and leave you to enjoy yours in peace. And even if they prove stubborn and refuse to leave, you can whip out your earphones, plug in and tune them out!
But, I should also state that some people’s music may compliment yours… It is possible to have a blend of different music types… I think Linkin’ Park’s numb which is a fusion of rock and rap is pretty cool. In the same way, another person’s music may blend with yours to create the ultimate remix…The person’s presence in your life makes it richer and better. If so, it’s OK to entertain them. If not, biko carry on with your smashing music. Refuse any discordant music in your life, know and stick to your preferred genre of music and rock on!
Stop hating yourself for everything you aren’t
Start loving yourself for everything that you are
Truth is I wanted to blog about this topic some months ago when I declared a “no-chores day” for myself. What’s a no-chores day? It is simply a day I decided I would do no chores! Hehe. Yup! No chores… Now, the difficult part was not about getting The Hubs to actually agree to this. Nah, the difficulty was actually following through and not giving in to my natural organising, take-charge, super-mom-super-wife-do-it-all tendencies! It was hard, I tell ya! But I did it and it was nice to actually put my feet up and do nothing 🙂
So why did I not blog about this blissful experience before today? Well, life happened and I quickly fell back into my normal busy, 24hrs-is-not-enough routine. However, I just had a chat with my cousin who is currently enjoying a break from all the chores and craziness and decided it would be great to dig up the desire to blog about this important topic.
Whilst this is not just peculiar to the women folk, you would agree with me that it seems like all we do is take care of everyone but ourselves. Do I have a witness? Or maybe I should speak for myself (and my cousin)… Life feels like a roller coaster most of the time. There’s my family to cater to – a very active almost 2 year old and a husband to take care of, meals to plan and cook, school runs to do, chores to oversee (if you are finicky like me 🙂 ) PLUS a career … Errr it doesn’t look like much now that I have typed it out, but believe me it’s a lot and there are days when I get so tired and disillusioned.
But what’s a girl to do?
Well, I’m no pro at this but allow me share a few tips that have worked for me
I have discovered that for all the times I was stressed, my family suffered the consequences. I became grumpy, grouchy and moody which rubbed off on my family and set the wrong tone for our home. I have come to realise that as the wife and mother, I set the tone in my home. The Hubs and Kiki would rather have a happy and loving wife/mother and a messy house than a spotless house with a grumpy and nagging wife.
So how do you relax, refresh and revive? Please share 🙂