What Music Genre Are You?


I’m learning not to be a *yessy person these days… this is coming from a chronic ex-people pleaser. I’m learning how to say no these days and not feel guilty about it. I’m learning to decline tasks and invitations that would disrupt my plans or add stress to my already long to-do list. I am learning to create my own music and dance to it without any reservation.

Let me give you a recent example of the exhibition of the new me…the *un-yessy Lahmeet. The other day, my colleague sent a survey to the rest of us to complete. Now for the records, I hate surveys especially the ones that ask open ended questions. You can call me a lazy survey filler because I’d rather the multi-choice ones… I just can’t be bothered to crack my head to supply feedback about topics that I’m likely not even interested in. So, you can imagine my “joy” when I saw her email. I opened the survey and there were several open ended questions. Ha! I promptly closed the thing with a not-today-satan resolve. To top it up, I was even busy sef …proper excuse to decline (I know, I know… I’m still working on getting to the point where I don’t feel I need to have/supply a reason for saying no). Like 30mins or so later, she walked up to my desk…

Colleague: Hi Anita. Did you see my email? Have you done the survey?
Me: No I haven’t… I’m working on a report (Still WIP guys… bear with me)
*** Another 30mins later***
Colleague: Anita, how far? Have you done it?
Me: No, and I’m not going to (OK I actually didn’t say the “I’m not going to” part out loud but hey, it was implied)
(crickets….my expression is as sober as a judge’s while she smiles)
Me: Why are you smiling?
Colleague: Nothing… I’m just wondering why people are not responding favourably to taking the survey (the ex-yessy Lahmeet would have given in at this point…)
***Curtain closes on dialogue***

I know I am still work in progress but I am proud of how well I resisted the urge to pull out the former yessy me. I pat myself on the back for not allowing my colleague’s jazz to shatter my rock. You see, the fact is that people will sometimes come with their own music and demand you switch off yours to listen to theirs. You don’t have to, you know? You can put your foot down and continue playing yours. The disjointed medley would force them to carry their wahala music away and leave you to enjoy yours in peace. And even if they prove stubborn and refuse to leave, you can whip out your earphones, plug in and tune them out!

But, I should also state that some people’s music may compliment yours… It is possible to have a blend of different music types… I think Linkin’ Park’s numb which is a fusion of rock and rap is pretty cool. In the same way, another person’s music may blend with yours to create the ultimate remix…The person’s presence in your life makes it richer and better. If so, it’s OK to entertain them. If not, biko carry on with your smashing music. Refuse any discordant music in your life, know and stick to your preferred genre of music and rock on!

Peace out!

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Movie Trailers and Behind- The- Scenes

I love watching the making of my favorite movies. It shows all the hard work that went into producing a masterpiece movie… the details, the film tricks, the makeup, the stunts and even the goofy mistakes the actors make in delivering their lines. It never ceases to amaze me how much work goes into making one movie. A movie that runs for just 2hrs can take 2 or more years to be made. For example, the movie “Avatar” took 10 years to be made!

Now, the trailers on the other hand are solely for the purpose of whetting the viewers’ appetite… and mehn… do they whet! To the extent that one can be tricked into watching a mumu movie all because of a ghen ghen trailer… that feeling of being 419ed! It can pain sha

Lol… if you’re a frequent reader here, you would have already guessed that the above preamble is leading to something, abi? Hehe, bear with me biko; I love using every day relatable stuff to drive my point home.

So what’s all these about trailers and behind-the-scenes and what “moment of truth” lesson have I resurrected my dusty, cobwebbed blog (my last blog post was on…. *covers face*) to share?

Well, it’s social media o…Instagram to be specific… I was stalking going through the pictures of someone I follow on IG. Every photo was just a hit back to back. So perfect and flawless. This person looked so put together and purpose driven. Everything just seemed to be going well for this person. So I asked myself the question many of us grew up hearing, “does this person have 2 heads?” Kai… (Side note: please this is one of the aspects where we should be better than our parents! Never ask your kids this question!). The truth is that I was truly inspired by all this person had achieved and is still achieving…. Yes I was inspired but the green eyed monster still came charging and clawing at my heart. My “achievements” just seemed soooo drab compared to what I was seeing on IG. I didn’t like the way I was feeling so I tried to find out the root cause of the envy. That was when I had an aha! moment… COMPARED!!! Yup that was where I took a nose dive, the point I started comparing myself to this person.

I had to tell (re-tell) myself a truth: COMPARISON IS THE STEALER OF JOY. After that self-talk, I felt way better. Then the words “trailers and behind-the-scenes” flashed in my mind. It made me view this issue in 2 ways:

  1. This person I was envying probably has some behind-the-scenes moves I need to tap into. Kinda reminds me of preparing for exams in school with all the late night reading and cramming and then getting an A after all the wahala. All the success stories I saw on the person’s IG probably happened as a result of plenty hard work and diligence. So I said to myself “instead of hating, don’t you think you should watch the movie making of this person? You may learn a thing or two”
  2. Also I had to remind myself that somebody can just coman have high BP for nothing on top instagram matter because the truth is that many people go out of their way to put up only their life trailers on IG… The harsh truth is that picture you are commenting “goals” for may not have a worthy-of -emulation behind-the-scene… The person you are envying because of all their “slaying” and “on fleeks” may be sad and unfulfilled in real life…

That being said, let me leave you with the advice I gave myself: Be grateful for how far you have come. Focus on making your own movie. Stop wasting time viewing other people’s trailers. Keep hope alive and believe you will also make inspiring movies and appetite whetting trailers. Remember that comparison with others result in discontentment (or an arrival mentality) but comparison with yourself (former and present self) brings about improvement. You only have one competition… the YOU you are yet to become…

Selah!

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Thursday Two-Liner #45

Stop hating yourself for everything you aren’t

Start loving yourself for everything that you are

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Relax… Refresh… Revive

Truth is I wanted to blog about this topic some months ago when I declared a “no-chores day” for myself. What’s a no-chores day? It is simply a day I decided I would do no chores! Hehe. Yup! No chores… Now, the difficult part was not about getting The Hubs to actually agree to this. Nah, the difficulty was actually following through and not giving in to my natural organising, take-charge, super-mom-super-wife-do-it-all tendencies! It was hard, I tell ya! But I did it and it was nice to actually put my feet up and do nothing 🙂

So why did I not blog about this blissful experience before today? Well, life happened and I quickly fell back into my normal busy, 24hrs-is-not-enough routine. However, I just had a chat with my cousin who is currently enjoying a break from all the chores and craziness and decided it would be great to dig up the desire to blog about this important topic.

Whilst this is not just peculiar to the women folk, you would agree with me that it seems like all we do is take care of everyone but ourselves. Do I have a witness? Or maybe I should speak for myself (and my cousin)… Life feels like a roller coaster most of the time. There’s my family to cater to – a very active almost 2 year old and a husband to take care of, meals to plan and cook, school runs to do, chores to oversee (if you are finicky like me 🙂 ) PLUS a career … Errr it doesn’t look like much now that I have typed it out, but believe me it’s a lot and there are days when I get so tired and disillusioned.

But what’s a girl to do?

Well, I’m no pro at this but allow me share a few tips that have worked for me

  • Always maintain an attitude of gratitude: Works like a charm for me! When Kiki begins one of her tantrums or I find The Hubs clothes ON the laundry basket (instead of actually being IN it), I just remind myself of how grateful I am to have them. I also remind myself of the many other times they bring me joy. This helps my mood and reorders my murderous thoughts…
  • Ask for help: If you are a perfectionist like me or you feel like things are not done right unless they are done by you or to your specifications, then this tip is for you. I try to tell myself that I am not Wonder Woman, that it is OK to allow The Hubs help me with some chores. So what if the indomie he cooked doesn’t taste the way I like? Nobody ever died from soggy indomie, abi?
  • Take some time off: If you can, give yourself like 1 hour me-time. Well, this is easier said than done sha and I am still working on this particular tip. For example, when Kiki is napping, instead of rushing off to attend to neglected chores, I can catch up on that reading I abandoned or I can listen to some music or engage in something refreshing. Not poring through social media o, well except if that relaxes you (doesn’t work for me). The Hubs and I have also explored the angle of sending Kiki for sleepovers at her aunt’s. This also allows for me-time and/or we-time 😉

I have discovered that for all the times I was stressed, my family suffered the consequences. I became grumpy, grouchy and moody which rubbed off on my family and set the wrong tone for our home. I have come to realise that as the wife and mother, I set the tone in my home. The Hubs and Kiki would rather a happy and loving wife/mother and a messy house then a spotless house with a grumpy and nagging wife.

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So how do you relax, refresh and revive? Please share 🙂

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It’s all in the view…

On Tuesday evening I was on my way to Kiki’s school to pick her and I was running late. All the traffic demons had come out to play and Lagos traffic was showing itself as usual. I suddenly remembered a sitcom I used to watch as a child. Rent-a-ghost. Who remembers it? The Rent-a-ghost peeps could disappear by just squeezing their noses. I desperately wished I could just squeeze my nose, disappear from all the mad traffic and magically appear at Kiki’s school

Heaving an exasperated sigh, I looked out the window to see a gala hawker briskly selling to hungry commuters. The guy was handling his business like a pro and a huge grin was on his face. He was obviously happy to be making sales. His mood was the complete opposite of mine. He was in no hurry to rush off to attend to any pressing business. As a matter of fact, that traffic jam was his office. It didn’t matter that there was no fancy mahogany desk in sight, he was earning his daily bread right there and then.

A single word came to my mind. PERSPECTIVE

Here I was cursing the traffic but the guy was blessing it. I was fervently praying that the traffic jam would ease up but the guy was hoping it lingers. See? Perspective…

This made me think of how many opportunities I may have unknowingly overlooked all because they came wrapped up in challenges and difficulties. Sometimes, when faced with challenges, our first reaction may be resistance because let’s be truthful, nobody likes stress, nobody enjoys difficulties. So it’s natural to back up a wall when faced with same.

I don’t know if it would have been possible to view the menacing traffic in a cheerier light… maybe, maybe not… but what I do know is that most times situations that present themselves to us usually come bearing options and most times we choose unconsciously, more like unthinkingly… There are usually different perspectives to situations…

Ha… there’s that word again… PERSPECTIVE… let’s break it down, shall we? *switches windows to consult Google*… Aha! Perspective means a mental view or outlook, i.e. a way of perceiving or looking at a situation.

What does this tell me?

It tells me that I have a choice to choose the way I wish to view situations. I have the power to choose how to see or regard any circumstance I encounter in life. If a perspective is not working for me, if it threatens to drown me in fear and negativity, I have the power to change my perspective and thus swim and float on positivity and possibilities…

So at work, when assigned a task you have zero experience in, instead of embracing the perspective of impossibility why don’t you open up a world of possibilities by viewing the task as one that can add a feather to your career performance cap?

So you grew up in a dysfunctional home? Your parents’ marriage was not the best model for you and it marred your views on marriages which is perfectly understandable. But the fact remains that great marriages do and still exist. Instead of holding on to your marred perspective, why not learn from your parents’ bad marriage…learn how to have a bad marriage…learn what to NOT do if you want a good marriage. Sounds simplistic? Well, I believe it’s really that simple if you change your perspective.

I believe the way we view situations and life in general determines our thoughts. Our thoughts then determine our actions and behaviours. Our actions and behaviours then cumulate and produce our habits which then produce our successes or failures.

Here’s hoping we choose wisely…

But first of all, let me know your perspective on this post 🙂

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Thursday Two-Liner #44

Believe in yourself and all that you are…

Be your own biggest cheerleader

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Thursday Two-Liner #43

If it is important to you, you will find a way

If not, you will find an excuse

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