I came back home after a long stressful day at work the other day to discover that my husband had magically transformed the mayhem in my storeroom to an organized pantry! Yet again, one fine evening like that, I was mixing batter for pancakes with a serving spoon and I remarked – in passing – that the task would have been easier if I was using a “turning garri stick” (You know, that wooden stick used to make eba. What’s the English name? 😀 )… and voila, my husband presented me with a turning garri stick the following week! These acts sure did convey his love for me more than any loudly proclaimed declarations would have done!
But then again, these are the languages I understand. They may very well be foreign to you…
What am I going on about?
OK… take a moment to think about all the relationships you have. And no, I am not talking about just husband/wife or fiancé/fiancée relationships. Come on, everyone has them… you have a friend? A father? A daughter? Or even a boss? Aha! that’s a relationship you have there…
Now let’s narrow those relationships you have to those you care about and are interested in nurturing. Now a question for you: What do you do to nurture those relationships?
This is the point where The Love Languages come into play. Do you know your Love Language? More importantly, do you know the Love Language of that person you care about?
🙂 I guess the 1st question should have been “Do you know The Love Languages?” eh? OK… they are:
- Gifts: Hehehe… this is my primary Love Language hence I put it at the top of the list 😉 The person who understands this Love Language feels best loved when he/she is given a gift and would likely murder you feel sad if you forgot his/her birthday. By the way, my birthday is September 15… if you get my drift! 😀
- Acts of Service: Just do stuff for the person here… stuff that make meaning to them o and it would be perceived as a gift of love to them. I understand this Love Language well too 😀
- Words of affirmation: Now this here is my husband’s turf. This is what he responds to the most. These are words that build your loved one’s self-image and confidence. Sarcasm or abusive language, no matter how thinly veiled, usually devastate such people (believe me, I know!)
- Quality Time: Spending time with that person talking, watching TV or just giving that person your undivided attention, makes the person feel loved. Hmmm, I’m all for this too and so is my husband.
- Physical Touch: I call the people under here the “feelers”. They are the huggers, the hand holders and the kissers. Do these things for/to them and they feel loved.
Now, I am a firm believer in quality relationships… I believe that relationships are very important because they build us and impact on our lives. The quality of your relationships usually reflects on the overall outlook of your life. Therefore, you would agree with me that nurturing your relationships is very crucial. Now in order to do that, you have to be aware of the Love Languages of the people in your life that you care about. Which of the 5 languages above do they respond to? What makes them feel loved?
For example, my husband would rather sit and watch a movie with me or just gist with me than have me go about my “Martha Ministries” of bustling about trying to fix him dinner or my busy bee antics of cleaning the house. Clearly, he responds better to the Love Language of Quality Time NOT Acts of Service. At this point, I must mention that most times we may unwittingly be speaking our own Love Language to others. The fact that I love receiving gifts and appreciate acts of services makes it easier for me to speak these Love Languages to my husband.
Like I said, this is not restricted to marriage and dating. Take out time to find out the Love Languages of the people in your life. You could do that by studying them or just asking. After months of studying my boss, I discovered that his own Love Language is when I close late from work errr…Acts of Service 😀 . My mom would not mind if I visited her everyday… heck, she wouldn’t even mind if I moved back home! Plus she lights up when I give her gifts, so that makes her own Love Language Gifts and Quality time. My aunt enjoys it when I lend my ears to her many entertaining anecdotes (Quality Time). My dad loves it when I call him a lot on the phone (Quality Time). My pastor loves when tasks are done very excellently (Acts of Service). My sister loves gifts and orderliness (Acts of Service) and my dogs love when I scratch behind their ears (Physical Touch) and when I feed them tidbits during meal times (Gifts) 😀
So do tell, what’s your own Love Language? Are you doing a good job at nurturing your relationships? Are you speaking the correct Love Language to those you care about?
Holla back at me! 😀
PS: I got to know about The Love Languages from church… It was during a service for couples (I think it was tagged “Her Needs…His Needs, if I remember correctly). But for more in depth knowledge on the subject matter, check out the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman http://www.5lovelanguages.com/resources/books/ Great book!