Husband versus Baby

Last night while getting Kiki ready for bed, I suddenly remembered something I read in the comment section of an article. I don’t even remember the article itself but I remember this particular comment. Weird…

Anyways, the commenter said that a woman should always priortize her baby over her husband. That the baby being helpless and dependent on the mother neccesitates this. Hmmm OK…

I was just skimmimg through that article that particular day so I didn’t really dwell on it or the comments, but I guess my brain chose to retain this particular comment for future rumination.

So last night, I began thinking about this comment and I wondered… How long should the baby be a priority? Until she’s/he’s 5? So when the baby is less helpless and more dependent, the wife resumes a meaningful relationship with her husband? The husband is expected to wait around for 5 years for some attention? I was just wondering…

I understand there’s another entirely different school of thought that believes the husband must ALWAYS come first and no cute baby with big adorable eyes and a winning gummy smile can change that. Afterall, without the husband, the baby would not even be in the picture, right?

But does it have to be an either-or situation? Why must I pick my husband over my baby -or vice versa, when I love them both? Why? Can’t I pay atention to both of them, without one of them feeling neglected? Is it not possible?

I think it is…

It’s all about being deliberate. The whole business of being a mom is no walk in the park. Starting from the pregnancy period to the delivery and then the koko – child care. Believe me, e no easy. All the hecticness and busyness can make moms forget about every other thing, including their husbands (husband, you are not a “thing”, but you get my drift 🙂 ). However, if a mom is deliberate about grooming her relationship with her husband even with all the craziness of taking care of her baby, I think it will spur her on to make an effort.

Being deliberate involves planning. Plan to have converstaions with him. The conversation must not just be limited to ones about the baby. Plan to cook for him. I know its hard especially since you’re tired from taking care of the baby, but a lil planning and organisation can go a long way. Plan to still look sexy for him. Most men, including your husband, are visual; remember that. Plan to still have sex with him. Again, another herculean task… what with the hormone imbalance resulting from breast feeding and the sheer tiredness! Where’s the energy biko? Be deliberate sister! It starts in your mind…

Again, please moms don’t be a baby hog! Don’t monoplolize the infant! Yes, we know you gave birth to him/her and you are skeptical about the way your husband throws the child high in the air all in the name of play. We know all that. But involving your husband in child care would go a long way in nurturing your relationship with him and will not make him feel like an outsider. I was a baby hog those first weeks when Kiki was born, LOL. I remember one night like that I was rocking Kiki to sleep when I managed to bring myself out of the cloud of my total absorbance to realise that my husband was looking at us with a sad puppy dog expression on his face. It was then that I realised that he had not even held her since morning of that day!

So now, I allow my husband to take care of Kiki. I have learnt to bite my tongue (sometimes) when I feel he’s not going about it the right way. He has improved over time and has become a pro at changing diapers, bathing her and rocking her to sleep. I have come to discover that he’s a great dad. This has made me admire him more and made him a greater husband to me. See? Everybody wins!

Lastly, I must mention that all of the above will be null and void if you don’t offer the best YOU in your marriage. Maybe I should have started with this point sef? Anyway no wahala sha. Bottomline is that if you are not continuosly investing in yourself and becoming a better version of yourself through learning and pursuing a deep relationship with God, your relationship with your husband and baby will suffer. There is a quote that goes thus: “The wife and mother in a family often ‘sets the tone’ in the home. The ‘tone’ God wants her to set is one of joy, optimism, and a delight in the Lord and in her family.” ~ Martha Peace

Question: How can you set a tone of joy, optimism and delight if you are not joyful, optimistic and delightful?

Answer: Keep working on yourself so that you can offer the best to your husband AND baby.

Thoughts? Share them below…

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7 Responses to Husband versus Baby

  1. nnekyjet says:

    Like my husband always reminds me. He is my first baby. The children will leave at some point to build their own lives. If you let your relationship with your husband suffer when they are there, the two of you will feel like total strangers to each other after they leave. I like that you used the word deliberate. My husband and I say intentional. We should make intentional efforts to build our home. Both your child or children and your husband are talents the Lord has entrusted in your care. He will ask us all to give account of how we used what he gave us. We have to give account to God on how we handled our marriage and our homes.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Taiwo says:

    Really nice piece. Thanks for sharing this.

    Like

  3. Awesome piece Lahmeet. Thank you !

    Like

  4. Sijuade Ogunade says:

    Always a Wow Lahmeet. Babies and mums, sometimes, husbands don’t really want to be a part of the nurturing. They will rather do the monetary part and a little carrying of the baby, but not going farther than that. I even believe mommies love their husbands to take part in those things but whichever way it comes for each family, we learn to adapt and be happy.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Patience says:

    Nice piece sis. Learning process

    Liked by 1 person

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